You should definitely imitate the sound of the closing train doors at each stop. I think it really shows how multi-talented you are.

(Guest advice from Natasha Face.)

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Posted on Friday, October 30th at 11:07 AM.

You should keep working on your Walken impression. You've basically got it and I love hearing it.

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Posted on Tuesday, October 13th at 9:59 AM.

Your breakfast should consist of things that can easily stain one of your favorite shirts.

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Posted on Tuesday, October 13th at 9:20 AM.

In your fantasy football league you should start this Steve Smith, not that one.

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Posted on Sunday, October 4th at 1:52 PM.

You probably shouldn't listen to Kid A. It's overrated.

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Posted on Friday, October 2nd at 8:11 AM.

If you're a vociferously pro-homosexual performer like Lady Gaga, then you should totally try to hook up a tour with Kanye West coz he's totally level-headed.

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Posted on Thursday, October 1st at 8:09 PM.

Take the gun. Leave the cannoli.

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Posted on Thursday, October 1st at 4:56 PM.

You should sell your guitar and buy turntables.

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Posted on Thursday, October 1st at 3:26 PM.

Those New Yorker cartoons aren't so clever. You could probably do better.

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Posted on Thursday, October 1st at 12:49 PM.

Girls hate it when you go out dancing with them. You should get loaded at the bar by yourself, instead.

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Posted on Thursday, October 1st at 10:31 AM.